fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
