Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
