Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Randomize
