Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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