Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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