Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Don't make out with my wife yet
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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