Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
