I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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