I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
