its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize