im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
