Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
