can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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