Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
