It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
