she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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