I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize