If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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