i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
