I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
