its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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