Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
