I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
