: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize