I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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