the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
false alarm, still single
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
