I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
