So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
