wat bout pragnant strippers??
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
