It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
