he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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