I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
