you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
