I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize