It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
