I want to have your abortion
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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