I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
