Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
