Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
