So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
