Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
