this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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