i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
