We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
