Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
