Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I've blown a few things in my day
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
