i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize