My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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