Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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