i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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