Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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