We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
