hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
