a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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