1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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