Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
