I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
