my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Im part way to drunk.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize