Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
