as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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