My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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