You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
