You're my little dorito
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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