It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
