oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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