so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
