Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
