Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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