Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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