i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
