I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
