I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
