WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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