You just made me feel so damn special
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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